Catching up

This picture is from 12/5/2009, 11:02 am.

The last 19 posts were pretty much all written, and the pictures were chosen in December 2009 and January & February 2010. But I only finally got back to them to finish photoshopping the pictures and posting them in Jan 2011.

Now maybe I can start catching up on the rest of last year...

Foggy today

Picture taken 12/15/2009, 1:06 pm.

Ran errands today with Michelle - the last time she will be here. It was the first time I have left here, except to go for a walk, since I arrived in late October.

You just have to keep moving

This picture was taken 12/10/2009, 4:13 pm.

You just have to keep moving to not freeze in place, like this little bird striding along the frozen shore.

Mom's computer guy was here this afternoon to help me get her computer able to use Photoshop & InDesign so I can do a booklet about her, like she & I & my brother did about my sister.

And he showed me that there is a street named after her!

Swimming in the sky

Picture taken 12/10/2009, 4:30 pm.

The light was amazing yesterday afternoon, with clear reflections of the colors in the sky on the glassy surface, and with spreading ripples made by little birds swimming through the sky reflections.

Ice on the beach at sunset

Picture from 12/10/2009, 5:34pm.

Everyone has come and gone, and I am alone here now with her cats. My brothers will be here for a few days, not this weekend, but next. It's finals week.

Frozen wave

Picture taken 12/10/2009, 4:21pm.

I spent a couple of hours this afternoon down at the shore, taking pictures. It was very cold, and bright, with new clouds coming in, in the distance.

It has been very cold at night during the low tides, and the seawater has frozen onto the beaches, underneath the returning tidal water. I've never seen underwater ice before.

And here, visible during this afternoon's low tide, a wave that froze as it came up onto the exposed beach.

Calm Seas

My mother died this morning.

She was breathing peacefully & quietly all day yesterday, and last night, when I whispered "Goodnight, love" at about 2:30 am.

She was gone this morning at 8:30.

Goodbye. We love you.

The tide is far out now

Picture taken 12/9/2009, 5:51 pm.

She has been breathing peacefully and quietly all day.
No one will be here with us tonight - the car won't start.

Bright, clear, calm

Picture taken 12/9/2009, 10:42am.

She is breathing more quietly now.

Red sky in the morning

Red sky in the morning.
Photos Dec 8, 2009, 9:24am.

She has been breathing harshly all day

Cruel & unusual

The mountain is beautiful...
(Picture taken 12/1/2009, 1:10 pm.)

She went to law school when she was 60. She said that the thing which frustrated her and her classmates, was that in all the case law they studied, the precedent-setting cases, justice was nowhere considered, or fairness, or redress for wrongs. Only precedents of law.

"Help help help.
No no no.
Stop stop stop.

Cruel & unusual."

When I told Hospice that, they raised the dosage.

"I can't drink it right now."

That was the last clear thing she said, and couldn't really drink anything after.

Soft light

A soft light at noon today.


"Help help help.

Help me lift up.
Help me give up.

More hurryin."

Frozen beauty

It's stayed cold. (This picture is from yesterday.)

Yesterday she said "Where is my memory?"

I want water

Reflections today on smooth rippled water, showing "sky pools" and "land pools" of color.

"I want water. More water.
Paradoxical."
Did you drink too much water?
"Yes."

Afternoon light

The light was particularly lovely today near sunset.

Last night "Help.
All my teddy bears are cold."
She had thrown off all the covers.

And today "Tasted like elixir of the gods. The water."

Boats & a boat

Another iconic picture, with the changeable light.

Last night she said "I thought that the water was by allotment, and that my allotment was almost out. I think that water allotment is scary."

I don't think we ever sat on this bench

Very calm, very bright, very cold.

Yesterday she said "I didn't think you were real."

And today,
"I'm tired, I want to go to sleep, but I don't want to waste my time with you."

Looking out

The Kitten cat, looking out the window. This morning it was at an orange cat on the path. And tonight, for several minutes, there was a Stellar jay perched on the swingset, out in the dark looking in, screaming at the cat.

She said today "No more medicine. No, no more. It was too much medicine which got me into this mess."

There are gardens here

Beautiful gardens, with flowers still blooming. I'm sure I saw Rosa chinensis mutabilis, still with lots of flowers.

"Are you my daughter?" Yes
"How old are you?" 59
"No, how old are you?" Yes that's my age.
"It doesn't seem possible."

The tide has turned

Long ago when I was a marine biology grad student in Oregon, I used to go down to the coast at least once every 2 weeks for the lowest tides, at new moon & full moon. During fall & winter the lowest lows are about 10:00 at night, in the spring & summer 5:00 in the morning.

I'd be out there alone, in the winter at night walking or wading on sand in shallow water to a rock sticking out of the sand, close in to shore, looking for the small algae & its sacoglossans I was supposed to be working on. In the summer it was much harder to find, and dawn would catch me far out in the rocky intertidal, kneeling down looking at the sides of rocks. Then it used to take me three low tides to find one piece of algae.

That sounds a little dangerous, but in fact I was never caught by surprise from behind by a large wave, because I was listening very hard for them.

And because I was listening for those extra large waves, I discovered that I could hear the tide change and start to come back in, whispering over the rocks.

The tide has turned for my mother now, she's going out with the waves.